Thursday, March 31, 2005

Follow me

Powerful people, I seek you. Intriguing people I crave you. I wonder were you are. I wonder if you can come my way, I need you. I need to feel the minds of the strong. I'm making a calling for you. Come to me like fog after a misty rain. We come together in trying times, but that's not good enough. Come to me just because. Make me stronger with your presence. Help me to understand the adversity that the world brings. I have a powerful influence on you all, but sometimes we back-slide. Help me! I'm calling out to the doers, the thinkers, the people that aspire to be. Together we are a link that can't be broken. Even though we're like oil and water sometimes, we still make a powerful combination. I see through the fears, the regrets, the lies. Give me power! Make me strong as an Ox. Forget what others may say, give it to me. I will help you grow. I will help you enhance your mind, bring your capacity beyond what you thought was reachable. It's amazing what we can do if we just come together. Multiple unstoppable forces going in the same direction, that would be so amazing. Come with me. Ride with me to the top. I can't promise that there won't be road blocks, but I can promise success. I'm waiting, I'm here. This is written. Trust!.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Intervention

Today we feel that it's our responsibility to preserve the physical life. We no longer leave life up to God. Duringthese moments of realization I've noticed that we tend to play God if that makes any sense. We immortalized the dead and we also try to immortalize the living. We have people that are brain dead that are no longer able to make there own decisions, so we step in. We say things like that person would have wanted to live. Well, that could be true. Thatperson could have wanted to live, but also that person could have possibly changed there mind doing the moment of fate.There are laws out there that actually give us the authority over another's life. Wow. I mean I can actually make a decision to keep or take someone's life. That's deep. People if your listening. Never take control of my life. When it's my time let me go... If I'm brain dead, let my body die. My soul will last forever. I'm on this earth alone,as we all are, so please let me die that way. I wonder what a brain dead person thinks about. Are they really brain dead, or is it a medical cliche'. And who would want to live if they couldn't function. Sometimes I think that doctors want to practice on our lives, I guess that's why they call there ventures practices. The doctors in the corner going if I bring this person back from this brain dead state I will make medical history! He's like Dr. Jekel. The family is so selfish that they want the life preserved. I would think that you would want your loved one to die peacefully. If a person is in this state of emptiness what is like for them. I mean we all say what we would want if things actually got to a point were we had no control, but right before that moment. You know there is always a moment, right before anything happens. It happens rather fast but still it's a moment. Before you go into a vegetation state do you want to change your mind? I know it's to late, but I'm sure know one would want to live that way. How could they. Who would just want to exist? Who want to exist without freedom? Why do we continuously intervene with life? Let life live. I find it really ironic that life comes from the earth, you know plants and things like that, but when we die, we go into the dirt which is the earth. It's so crazy.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Lie like a rug.

When I woke up this morning I started to reflect on moments of trust and truth. Short moments following I realized that there weren't many. Well, the only thing that was truth was that lying was common, and trust was relative. You see, now I take people at face value, and I try not to pick stories apart. I used to have the need to pick words apart and try to figure out what people were saying to me. After careful consideration I finally realized that it was pointless. That words are just words, and if someone says them it is what it is. I mean, what are you going to do about it when you find out someone is lying to you? Most of the time we are disarmed. We can't do any about it because it's just an assumption at first. And once we find out we generally can't confront the person about it because if they lied to you one time, they will definitely lie to you to deny the lie. It's crazy. I think the best thing to do when someone lies to you is to just slowly let the person fade out of our life. Fade to black you know. For someone to look in your eyes and lie to you is a cold thing. But now we do like it's second nature. Some people would say lie to protect. Well, that's a common prospective to look from. Let's see, save me from myself...... Thanks! I appreciate your need to lie. Are you a black and a white person, or are you a gray person? If your gray person everything is circumstantial. If your a black or white person you think in it either it is or it isn't. So for example, is it ever ok to lie. A black and white person would say it's never okay to lie, while a gray person would say that it depends on your circumstance. I think everything is relative and circumstantial. It can depend on your mood along with your needs, and the persons involved. I guess this is were the lying comes into play. You lie depending on any one of the previously stated situations. To all the people that know me please never lie to me. Please never think for me. Give it to me raw and uncut. Something that most can't handle. I can, always remember that.

For those that lie to me death to you haters. For those who get over on me, death to you haters.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Chiseled mind!

Through my eyes I see life differently than you, yeah I'm talking about you. Your remarks to my post are very personal. Most words don't resonate with my well. Rarely do I agree with anyone nor does an opinion matter to me. Speak freely, and speak with out bounds, but please don't criticize the words of a person that tries to give you another angle. We're all critics but we all aren't innovators. How's that? Once your engineering something from conception than maybe criticize someone's work. I try to be open minded when reading because you have to put yourself in the writers shoes.

The words of few hurt many, but the many cause most of the harm. In my dealings with people I notice jealousy in the little things. A one up on the slightest of things. No one will surrender without some sort of fight. Everyone is brave until the chips are down. I value the challenge others give me. It helps me to completion. This week has been rough. Slow to start, quick to finish. Again, I went through a week were I learned something new, and I learned something new about myself. I love when that happens. It's great. Self-actualization! Wow! I'm on top right now, and the only thing that could bring me down is the man in the mirror. People continue to hold me up above. Thank you, I will continue to grow. You help to make me stronger. They say adversity strengthens the mind, well I'm chiseled, and my intelligence is benching unprecedented weights. Holla at me!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Laziness and Complainers

The complainers, the come and they go. All they want to do is let you know. I speak to complainers everyday, and I often say, damn you sound gay. All you do is say what you need to do, and rarely do what you need to do. First order of business is stop complaining, and do something about it. Stop being lazy and get off that couch. You bore me with your dreams, and you bore me with your wants. I want peace and your opinions are war. If I had a dime I'd give it to you but the only thing is if everyone you knew gave you a dime for all the times you complained you would be rich, wouldn't that be a bitch. So no, I'm not giving you a dime, because I'm tired of lazy people excelling. Stop telling your story to me, because indeed you do really bore me. Get up get out and get something. Stop watching everyone else get theirs. You bring people down, and you hate on those who try to excel. Your lazy, I give you my screw face. I listen to the stories, I listen to the games and all those things are lamer than lame.

If I had a dime for all the visions I heard, I would be rich now, would that be absurd? Nah, because I'm a doer not just a sayer, and I'm a gamer not just a player.

Laziness is crucial it bothers me so much. Laziness combined with complaining equals sad individual. I guess I shouldn't hate because it really doesn't hurt me, actually it helps me and it adds to my fuel. When I listen to the bickering and trust I hear it everyday, I guess I don't
choose to run when it comes my way. I listen and listen, and then I begin to diss. I wonder what the dissed is thinking after they are dismissed. Am I anal, or just hard? Am I right, or just bright? I think they hate me because they can't be me. They can't wake up and do what they want to do, they only do what they need to do. You know, go to work and stuff like that. Pay the bills, keep the lights on. They can't take there lives to the next level, because that requires to much effort. They would have to get the couch or the bed out of there ass. God for bid. I know the couch can be an ass magnet, but damn. This is to you. This is to the lazy, complaining young adult. The time is now, you don't have a reason to be a procrastinator. You don't have a reason to have a couch attached to your ass from 5 to 10, and a bed attached to your ass from 10 to 6. Remove some of that negativity from the equation. Keep things in perspective.

Laziness pays off now, and hard work pays off in the future. Get off that ass before it gets flat. Get out before you pass that shit on to your kids.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Vernal

I'm sitting by a window and rain drops are coming down so quickly. As I look up, I notice birds swiftly flying across the sky. It's that time of year again, and without hesistation it has come again. It doesn't matter what plans I have or had. It doesn't matter if my goals are not met yet. The time has come. Mother nature doesn't wait for us to get our things together. The show must go on. I always have these goals to meet by a certain time of the year and I always try to rush to get them done. This time the birds beat me. Mother nature won this year. The
symbolic nature of the birds came to me suddenly. I looked at the rain fall, my eyes watered, and the birds continued on. I wish I could have froze the scene. That would have been nice. I wish I could have grabbed the moment. Well, I guess I did grab the moment. My soul shines when the birds chirp. Spring is mother earth at her
best. She is letting the earth breath, and blossom. She is reaching inside of my soul, and bringing the good out of me.

The fragrance of the vernal breeze hits our hearts. The game is a foot, are we ready to play? Can we do it again? Can we blossom this season like mother nature intended. Can we spawn new life within? It would be a shame for this not to happen.
It would be a shame if summer came and spring was a blur. As I plan to capture the moments, come along with me. Capture spring while it's on the cusp. Capture the moments of life beginning again.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A insiders view

Without a thought in site, without recollection of your presence, you appear.
Without a method to the madness, and without a rhyme for reason, you appear.

Even though your special in your own way, doesn't mean your special according to my way.
Even though your strong in the world, doesn't mean your strong in my world.

Just because your smile can silence a loud room, doesn't mean your smile can grab my attention.
Just because your look is inviting, doesn't mean I will be inviting you over to my crib.

Maybe if you were inside of my mind, you would just see what I had in mind.
Maybe if I were inside of your mind, I would just see what you had in mind.

Unfortunately, my past creeps through my mind like ghost in haunted houses.
Unfortunately, my future is an uncertainty, kinda like playing the lottery.

Fortunately, I've been down this block, and I know what makes the boat rock.
Fortunately, You haven't been down this block, but still you want your boat rocked.

I know these words are crazy, but either way you could still be my............?
I know these words are nondescript but stick with me and you might get my.........?

Lost in the stars, I guess I was looking in your eyes.
Lost in the gist, I guess I was experiencing your God given gifts.

Parting would be such sweet sorrow, but if you leave you'll still remember me tomorrow.
Parting would be such a bitch, but I'm still thinking it's you I won't ditch.

These are words that came to my head after I exercised my mind. These are words that came to my head after you told me you would be mine!


Are you there? Tell me are you there?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Come to me?

I see you watching me. I think it's kinda nice.
Your eyes are following me around, I feel them on my back.
It's amazing cuz I don't know you but I feel so close to you.

Your goals are probably different, because your you, and I'm me.
It would be nice to tell you things, but know one really listens.
I want to think your great but every thing that shines doesn't glisten.

Your agenda is separate, your presence makes me want a part. If we
could be in the same room together, our relationship would have
a great start. It's not about your curves, nor is about your mind
For some reason I can't put a finger on it so I choose not to mind.
Does everything have to have a reason, or can some things just
be. Can I want without a reason, can things happen naturally? I mean
your cute, but I've seen cute. Your smart but I've seen smart. I
don't even know you, so just off of that how can you be art?

We did cross paths a few times, but there was always something missing.
When I looked into your eyes I felt as if I was missing. Me in your
mind, and my thoughts in your heart. We never got a chance to shape
a work of art. You've been passing me by like summer time as a kid.

Why can't we meet? How come I can see you but I can't feel you?
Why does there have to be absence for this to keep going. I know
if we come close things will end up like everything else. If you
could read these words would you choose to stray or would you
run through all obstacles and come my way? Nah, it wouldn't be
the same, it's better you don't feel the same. Your very absence
prolongs my fire. Only if I could become your desire.

Don't get me wrong, if you called I would answered. If you reached
I would grab, but the uncertainty would drive me crazy, and that
would make you mad. What are you going to do when you get it, what
are you going to say when your called? A mystery question that
everyone has the answer to but all of your answers are wrong.
Your best isn't good enough, and your wants won't justify my needs.
I want to connect with you. I want us to fit like key to lock, stick and
click so naturally.

I see you trying to pass me by, and I know I'm on your mind.
How long will it take, how long will you wait? If your like the
others your already gone. Your at an exit door,and you I will
never really know. Hmmmmmm.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Mistakes happen

Through out life we tend to make mistakes upon mistakes. As we get older we tend to think we will not repeat the same mistakes. Well, if your smart you'll not make the same mistakes, if your wise you won't make the mistake in the first place. Life is a learning lesson no doubt, but at what point does mistakes just turn into your personality, and there is nothing that can be done about it? I mean making repeat
mistakes. Is that were someone can come in your life and help you out? Improve you, were you are weak? I do believe in that. I do feel that sometimes the help of another can drastically affect who you are as a person. I look at my parents, and I honestly don't know what they would do without each other. Or I look at some of my friends, and I don't know what they would do without me. Of course everyone would be alright, but I do believe that if your the angel on their shoulder you can assist them in not making as many mistakes. I make lots of mistakes, and it gets so bad that when the mistake are made I get angry as it's happening. Talking about experience kicking in kind of late. I feel that I have made more mistakes in my twenties than I have in my whole time on this earth combined.

I hope the next chapter in life will not be as stressful. I hope I can I walk in and out with minor bumps and bruises. Some may say impossible, others may say it's possible. Maybe your thinking of not making the same mistakes in the next chapter, I'm talking about new mistakes that haven't even been realized yet. Can you catch the bullet with your teeth. Can you land on your feet, and be nimble. That would be the greatest thing. But as they say, mistakes happen. Just know what to do when they do. What's the corrective action. Now, I have a corrective action for my mistakes and even though it doesn't replace the mistake it sure makes me feel better knowing that I was able to respond swiftly.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Fooling yourself

Is it possible to lie to yourself? People always say don't fool yourself, as if they are realist and they never hope. Since when did my reality and conscience come from someone other than myself? I think as an adult in this free world, I should be able to lie to myself, and be the fool. If that's what I want. I mean at some point we are all fools. It's my world right? Or as I often say "It's your world!". Don't get me wrong I'm glad for your expert opinion, and I am fortunate to receive it. Especially when I was just thinking that I was going to accidently fall in to a billion dollars today. If it wasn't for you I would have probably went crazy had you not blessed me with your expert knowledge. Hold up, that's sorta harsh. I mean your in a relationship and someone is giving you the "best advice" a friendship can buy, and they say to you "Don't fool yourself!". Your already feeling like crap, and then the icing on the cake comes. Hey, everyone is the "realist" when adversity is not weighing on there shoulders. It's easy to say what you would do, when your not in that position. I often fool myself all of the time. Well at least everyone else tells me that I'm fooling myself. Not in those words, but similarly. Sometimes I would like to stay in my own world. Sometimes I would really like to think that I am going to be a billionaire, and the world will move at my command. Hey, it feels good thinking it. It's like a mirage in the desert. Believe it or not. I dream of being a King. I dream of being the man behind the button. Which brings me to my thoughts, what is exactly fooling yourself. Is it as simple as being 25 minutes from an appointment, but for some strange reason you think you can make it in 15 because your late? Or is it more serious? Is it going to work everyday making 6 figures, and everyone telling you that your the shit. I mean your happy right? Everyone says, if I made six figures I would be straight! Would you? You maybe fooling yourself. Especially when people goto work everyday for that amount of money, and they hate going to work. I mean don't get me wrong, that's a substantial amount of compensation for waking up everyday and knowing something that millions of others know that make half that amount. Your friends and family help you fool yourself. They say your fortunate to be young and black in this position. Your fortunate to make all of that money, and have your independence. Well, I guess, if that's what you want. So, that's were the fooling begins. That's where the lies creep in. Your forced to think this is the path. What your circle says is great. What do you really want to do? What do you really want to say? Are you really ok with the everyday mundane lifestyle? Are you really happy making all that money?
LOL. Well, in this world the money sure does help. Every penny and the next mans penny helps me, let me tell you. Don't lie to yourself, don't even fool yourself. Have your thoughts and go with them. Have your dreams and go with them. Your young and everyone tells you that the world is yours. Why not act as if it is. I mean why settle for something that is "right". Go for something you want. I think we often settle for things we think we need. That's were the lying and fooling comes in. Your going to work when you really want to be a scuba diver. Your being a programmer when you really want to be an actor. We fool each other everyday. Sure we get to choose the career we want along with everything else we do, but for some reason, I think we choose out of the given choices. For the choices we want to choose from. We don't have to fool ourselves any longer. Stop fooling yourself. I'm no longer fooling myself. I've dug deep and found my desires. I'm going to fly away and soar above the realist. Above the people that tell me my needs, and tell me my wants are childish, and not realistic. The ones that say stop fooling yourself. All I have our my thoughts and wants. Even though the needs carry you through, achieving the wants are what brings you up.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

Can I be cynical, and still be a skeptic?
Can I be racist, and still love everyone?
Can I be eclectic, and still settle?
Can I be strong, and still cry?
Can I be the man, but still need my mom?
Can I be horny, but not want sex?
Can I be a chauvinist, but still listen to the words of a woman?
Can I be weak and strong all at the same time?
Can I be a jerk, and still be loved?
Can I be sexy?
Can I be the best she's ever had?

Can my favorite color be blue, but most of the clothes in my closet be gray?
Can I love rap music, and defend it to the day, but listen to ColdPlay each and everyday?
Can I love the smell of gasoline?
Can I love the smell of coffee brewing but hate the taste?
Can I love women, but think that there evil to guys sometimes?
Can I love God but disagree with the church?
Can I love something that I've never tried?
Can I love my niggaz, but hate niggas?
Can I love white people, buy hate crackers?
Can I say I hate traffic, to many people and DC drivers, but never leave DC?
Can my sister get on my nerves 8 out of 10 times, but love her to death?
Can I love somebody to death?
Can I believe I'm the best she's ever had?
Can my love potion get her tangled in the web?
Can I hate smokers, but love my parents even though they smoke?
Can one verse really fuck up the game?
Can 50 cent really be this insane?
Can Nas really be the best rapper alive?
Can I chill in the cut with a woman that wants to give it up?
Can I walk down the street in peace with no heat?
Can all my words really not sit well with you?
Can I make you fall in love with me?
Can a seed grow from a pot? (I'm the seed)
Can I live only to die?
Can I live til' I die?

What gets lost in translation is what people seem to hinge there opinion upon. As my thoughts grow my scroll lengthens. We're at the mercy of others in this. Fortunately for my readers, this blog doesn't make them or me. Through you I see the world. Submerge with me, find me, and I will find you. Take me were you want me to go. I'm spontaneous and open. Open me up and broaden my mind. If my poetry gets lost in translation, help me translate it like historians with hieroglyphics. I will answer your call, but only if you call. I would like to say reading minds is my forte, but I've yet to get paid for it! So, with that said step up and I will step out!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Not all that

-Hollywood stars
-The club
-Traffic
-New York City
-Dating multiple women
-Wanting something bad, and finally getting it
-Christmas, well at least not any more
-World travel, alone!
-Buying a new car. I mean making the payments
-High School reunions
-Materialized possessions
-Being lazy
-Being with an ex, after the breakup
-Super Bowl Parties
-Women with lots of fake stuff on, especially when they have God given beauty
-The American Dream
-Freedom of Speech
-The Bush vs. Kerry race
-Allan Greenspan
-Vladimir Putin
-The 2Pac murder mystery
-The Biggie murder mystery
-The book Tuesdays with Morrie
-My first, second, and my third
-Falling in love (staying there is all that though!)
-The hopeless romantic
-Scarface. it was good, but damn
-Popeyes chicken, I make better chicken
-Thinking that your guy is the guy. (i know a guy that can fix your car)
-Managez toi (Now you got two woman that have to leave instead of one)
-The debate between church and state. (leave it alone, there different let them be)
-My blog. It sucks, but it still changes like an amoeba constantly.
-Life (there has got to be something out there less mondane)
-Me ( I've seen better, but I've seen worst as well.) Right now I would say your catching me at a dull moment.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Great feelings

-Your crying, and someone comes along and makes you laugh
-Driving home from work and they happen to play all of your songs on the radio
-Hearing a song that reminds you of great moment in your life
-Seeing your ex, and because your over them your able to smile
-Driving a brand new car
-Independence
-Getting a hair cut
-Eating on Thanksgiving day with family
-The first Kiss
-The first sexual contact with your new mate
-Every sexual contact you have with your mate
-Eating after you've been starving
-Sitting in a room with someone you know and there is complete silence, and it's ok
-Hanging out with old friends
-Driving past your old elementary school
-Going on vacation, and not thinking about home
-Giving your mother a hug
-Going to church after a hard week, and praying
-Seeing an opportunity, and passing up on it without regret
-Winning
-Laughing about losing
-Getting paid, no really getting paid!
-Being able to sit on the couch and do completely nothing
-Going to a job interview, and landing that position but not taking it!
-Evolving
-Drinking a Coke, and you get that burning feeling, cuz u haven't had one in a while
-Being ok with being alone

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

8

"Check it out hun you got me mesmerized with your black hair and your fat ass thighs. Street poetry is my everyday. "

When you walk, you bounce with such grace. Sashaying across the floor you almost make me scared to loot at your face. You see, you make me weak because of all things on this earth you are the most lethal. But I like lethal. I like the uncertainty of tomorrow. Will you be there? When the sun is shining in you your face you can't see what's in front of you. We often miss IT. Your complexion is perfect your eyes are big and bright. I'm like damn girl, you make me loose sight.On the inellectual you make things seem so conceptual. Your answers are distinct, and your wit is in your instinct. I wonder if I could call you 8 because I want you to last for infinity, or when I'm with you infinity isn't long enough! You came across so subtle, but even still I noticed you like a comet hitting earth. It was gangsta! But I'm cool, I play things slow and I lay low. I can be patient for you to come in my direction, but beware shorty because my affection is real. I got that fire, and you will get high, best stay away if you don't think you'll survive!
I call you 8. A metaphor that only touches the tip of you.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Just fall

When I was younger, I hungered for the weekend like my next meal. I also hungered for the summers to come like the ice cream truck a midst a hot July day. Now I hunger for happy times and moments of reflection. It seems as if I like to reflect because reflection reminds me of who I am. Even the bad experiences make me laugh. My child days remind me of sunshine in July. No matter what, I could conjure up something to do. I could make a mountain out of a mole hill. When July comes I feel a glow in my soul. I feel radiant, and full of life. It's a feeling that I wish lasted for a life time. July as an Adult is similar but different. When July comes I get the urge to skip work everyday, get my swimming trunks, and head for the pool. No work all play. Unfortunately I have built a life for myself, well not unfortunately, but I have built a life for myself and I want to maintain my standards of life. I have to find new fun. New forms of pleasure. You would think that as an adult you would grow and your mind would expand and your life would get more interesting. What was I thinking back than. When It was also simple, it was all so much better. I remember I used to be in the middle of having fun, and I would say to myself, I wish this moment would never end. Shortly after saying that, it would end, and I would temporarily be disappointed. Wow, how silly was I. There is a song that sings " I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger." That song has so much meaning with such a simple line. All things considered, I will remember that line when I go into new experiences. I guess basically what I'm saying is, will I ever be ahead of the game. Will I not take things for granted, and remember to submerge myself in the moment. Lean back and chill. Don't brace myself for the fall, just fall, and everything will be ok? That's what I plan to do. Life in motion.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Thank you for everything!

Sharing my thoughts was the hardest thing to over come. As I write I always wonder who's listening. I wonder who out there shares my pain, or is able to hear my cry. I will never stop posting as long as people keep visiting. Thank you for understanding my points, and also reading the way I see life. Thank you for being a shoulder. Thank you for continuously visiting.

When my words hit the screen I get a rush through my fingertips which compels me to write more. It's like the feeling of nervous energy. My mind is overloading with thoughts. I just don't know how to get them all out. So I write, clarity comes, and I feel like someone has just massaged my temple. It's like climaxing and napping afterwards. Only if I could connect without going on the internet. That would be crucial............

Friday, March 04, 2005

Once jaded

Unconditionally you choose me. We became synonymous like joy and happiness, or even it's antonym revulsion. I wouldn't set out to do anything with out you because with out you nothing would be real. I was considered a pro when it came to you because I really felt your position. I mean, how could something exist in any other way. We frequently try to escape your hold, and we frequently try to embrace your hold all at the same time. It's like a living paradox with you. I embrace you when it came to material things, and money was around. I embraced you when my career spawned, and my first real job was the best thing that ever happened to me, but some were along the line things went wrong. As soon as adversity came I blamed you, and I immediately thought that if it could be another way, I would make it so. It's crazy because at times in the same minute I fell in and out of you. You hurt more than a punch in the gut, and at the same time you could make me feel like I was going down a roller coaster slop. Some would say they never found you, others would say they found you to often. At a point, it was safe for me to say that you were there but I wasn't calling for you. If you came to me, I would sense it and turn the opposite direction. Why would I do that? Why would I run from the purest best feeling available? Now, I realize that I treated you wrong and it was never your fault. It was the user not the substance. It was the selfishness not the subject. Now that I've learned, and the focus is not on you, but with you. I see that my life has changed for the better, and when I make the right decisions you are sure to follow with me, and I don't have to look to see if your coming. You won't hurt me if I don't let you, and you won't come unless I openly call. Thank you for being stubborn, and not leaving because I gave up. I appreciate your presence and I thank God for you everyday. To love, my one true love.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Defining moment

I've traveled to 8 countries, 40 states, hundreds of cities, and have met hundreds of people, maybe even a thousand. But for some reason I feel alone. I feel that through all I have accomplished, I'm still alone. Is it possible? Sometimes I feel so introverted, but even we have friends right? I mean don't get me wrong, I have a safety net. I have friends in low places high places, and even those middle friends. We vibe, we jive, we even reflect. But for some reason I feel alone. Family is there, God is here, I'm here. What's the deal? I'm not searching, nor looking. I'm not lost, nor am I saying I'm even found. I'm just existing, and even though some would say I'm doing more, it feels like it's more less. My plate is full, my heart is empty, and my mind is over buffering. I mean I love who I love, but aside from that, there is nothing. Some would call this a crisis of some sort, I'm writing this to say that nah, it's no crisis. I want a more definitive answer.
I sat on the bench yesterday and spoke with someone. I told them I felt alienated. That person was able to agree, and said even though they have a lot going on, they sometimes feel the same way. As I starred in that persons eyes I began to see my reflection. I was there, I was heard, and for that moment I was free. Proceeding that moment reality slid back it's way. Well, we all know reality, and that train is never late. It was wired. As our conversation went on, I searched for other moments of freedom, but of course, when we search we never find. I won't say it was this person that made this moment, or at least I hope not. I hope it was just a defining moment of self, and now I know that I'm not the only person on this highway. This road of constant lane changing, tailgating, and speed racing. Maybe this road can one day turn into a Sunday drive in the slow lane with someone that just wants silence and no traffic as much as I do.............

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Laughing out loud

When was the last time you were able to laugh? I'm talking about laughing from absolutley nothing. Not from a movie your watching, or because someone said something funny, but just becasue. Laughing is so natural, and also so contagious. As a adults we laugh less. I remember a time when it was actually uncool to laugh or smile. You were considered corny or goofy, which ever word you prefer. The other day I was driving and for some reason I just started laughing. It was so funny, yet so refreshing. I laughed for about two minutes, and for the life of me I can't even tell say what I laughed about. I guess because I didn't even know. It was so natural. I can tell you that after laughing I felt 100% better than I did prior to the laugh. As a matter of fact while writing this I'm smiling as I type. We are so serious now because we're trying to accomplish goals, and get right in our path to greatness, that we often forget about the little things. Have you noticed when you look at a child, they laugh at everything. They are so fun. I often find myself smiling, or laughing at kids when I see them because they are comedy. Try laughing. Don't be embarassed. It will actually make you feel so much better. It's like releasing tension and stress from your soul.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

For you, if you exist

I won't get in your way if your trying to grow. If you have to go I'll let you go. If time is what you need than time is what you'll have, and I promise you that I will push not pull you away from you. When reality sets in and you feel as if your on an island, I will sail out to you, and bring you back home. When it's hot I will be the cool, and when it's wet, I will soak up the tears.
It's times like this when you'll realize that even though you don't need me, you'll have me if you reach out to me. I promise you that this is true, that I will be. I will stand strong with diligence and patience. I will give you the space, I will give you your needs. Sometimes through communication other times through pure connection. There is no easy road to greatness, that's why in the end we will be on the mountain top looking down at the rest in ahhhhh. Is it possible? Is it game? Fuck it, I'm willing to take that chance. It's times like this when these types of words matter. It's a storm out there, and I can't be your umbrella, but I can be your rain boots. Part protection, the rest is up to you. I have no weakness, so don't fear for me when I leave the house, but pray for me so I will continue on. With my stern ways, and stable mind, this will allow you to handle you, and think less about me. It's your world baby. Believe that everyday all day. I can make it, I can lead this venture. Your smile is what I'm after. I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me.

Completely focused

On the way to the top you will pass a lot of things up. You will have to make sacrifices and you will have to break relationships. It's not about being deceitful, nor is about being rude. It's about being diligent, dedicated, and direct in your approach to accomplish your goals. Power is and will always be in your hand. People come and go. Only you can change because things around you tend to stay the same. Crush the opponent, and do it well. They won't know your enemies until you tell them. That's peace, and serenity is paramount. Making your mark is what your here to do, and anything else is unacceptable. These words may seem harsh but at any time this can be you. The road to success has many potholes, speed bumps, and turns. We believe in God, and we want to love thy neighbor, but when the chips are down sometimes your neighbor can't be loved. I always remember this line the most, "It's either him or me, and it ain't going to be me!" As people come into your life you have to immediately assess were you want them in your life. There is know time for games, nor is there anytime for mistakes. Good people bad people sometimes we can't tell the difference. We've seen good people turn bad, and bad people turn good. We're jaded at this point. The beautiful ones really get you, they lure you in and then they strike like a cobra. These words are not to hurt you. These words are to worn you. Watch them people that are close to you and make sure they are doing what their supposed to do. Never personal now a days it's the way.