Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Searching

I never knew my life would turn out like this. I envisioned something that had much more clarity. Something that would be paved for the next 30 years.
Something that was real. It seems as if I'm constantly in this phase of transition and uncertainty. I wonder why? I composed many list. I sat in
solitude and I did some deep thinking. I went straight to the source, me!

-Are you accomplishing all that you want?
-Are you being honest when you look in the mirror?
-Are you being true to the people in your life?
-Are you being true to God?
-Are you happy being where you are if you died today?
-Are you ok with knowing that you are the one that controls your destiny?

I thought about all of these things and I thought to myself......... I like when I'm perfect and when I see myself not being perfect I withdraw. I used to think that everything around me was perfect and sooner than later those things would become imperfect. I had no trust in anything. Than I realized that it was about me. How could I turn everything in my life into something positive. Losing, winning, tying? How could I retrieve all of the honest, purest and most creative things out of life without being critical of all of those things. Every moment is an opportunity to
capture that moment. Even as I type these words I'm smiling. I'm changing and I love it. It's awesome!!!!

I used to withdraw when before something came imperfect. It saved heartache and pain.

The start of this year has been rather interesting. I've already started this year accomplishing goals as scheduled, but the most interesting thing
is that I'm still in the same place. I'm ready to get to the next level, but I'm having extreme difficulty. I wonder if it's my approach, or is that I'm
to anxious. Waiting til 50 to surface is not going to happen.

There are new additions to my life that I have to balance. Major additions that will require major adjustments. Is it possible to still be me while assuming new roles in my life? Most loose focus of self when they go through dramtic changes. I can't do that!

If you can be you can do.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Humility can offer more clarity. Envisioning oneself as more perfect than others can cloud self-perception and cause confusion when confronted with overcoming obstacles that even the imperfect have perfected.

When humbled, things become more clear therefore repeated deep thoughts and self questioning is not necessary.

7:03 PM  

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