Defining moment
I've traveled to 8 countries, 40 states, hundreds of cities, and have met hundreds of people, maybe even a thousand. But for some reason I feel alone. I feel that through all I have accomplished, I'm still alone. Is it possible? Sometimes I feel so introverted, but even we have friends right? I mean don't get me wrong, I have a safety net. I have friends in low places high places, and even those middle friends. We vibe, we jive, we even reflect. But for some reason I feel alone. Family is there, God is here, I'm here. What's the deal? I'm not searching, nor looking. I'm not lost, nor am I saying I'm even found. I'm just existing, and even though some would say I'm doing more, it feels like it's more less. My plate is full, my heart is empty, and my mind is over buffering. I mean I love who I love, but aside from that, there is nothing. Some would call this a crisis of some sort, I'm writing this to say that nah, it's no crisis. I want a more definitive answer.
I sat on the bench yesterday and spoke with someone. I told them I felt alienated. That person was able to agree, and said even though they have a lot going on, they sometimes feel the same way. As I starred in that persons eyes I began to see my reflection. I was there, I was heard, and for that moment I was free. Proceeding that moment reality slid back it's way. Well, we all know reality, and that train is never late. It was wired. As our conversation went on, I searched for other moments of freedom, but of course, when we search we never find. I won't say it was this person that made this moment, or at least I hope not. I hope it was just a defining moment of self, and now I know that I'm not the only person on this highway. This road of constant lane changing, tailgating, and speed racing. Maybe this road can one day turn into a Sunday drive in the slow lane with someone that just wants silence and no traffic as much as I do.............
I sat on the bench yesterday and spoke with someone. I told them I felt alienated. That person was able to agree, and said even though they have a lot going on, they sometimes feel the same way. As I starred in that persons eyes I began to see my reflection. I was there, I was heard, and for that moment I was free. Proceeding that moment reality slid back it's way. Well, we all know reality, and that train is never late. It was wired. As our conversation went on, I searched for other moments of freedom, but of course, when we search we never find. I won't say it was this person that made this moment, or at least I hope not. I hope it was just a defining moment of self, and now I know that I'm not the only person on this highway. This road of constant lane changing, tailgating, and speed racing. Maybe this road can one day turn into a Sunday drive in the slow lane with someone that just wants silence and no traffic as much as I do.............
posted by PhD Research in Business at
1:53 PM
2 Comments:
Considering that probably 98% of the people I have met in my lifetime have not had any significance on my life, I can understand my feeling alone for some time. I think it hit me after leaving college, at atmosphere we are pretty much equal and then thrown out into independance. Speaking only for myself, the associates are high, but there are only a select few that I involve myself with on a regular basis and even within those few people no one is running this race but me. As I got older, I exchanged my social aquaintances for personal growth and fulfillment. Focusing on "me", I've grown apart from friends while some due to different interests while others devoted themselves to their own agendas as well. Although alone, I find solace in knowing that should I become misguided and slip and fall, I still have the right people to catch me. It's not always about strengh in numbers, but having those people who count. These individuals don't worry about me during other times because they know I am capable of handling myself. I sometimes think that maybe if I were less independant those people would handle me differently. I'm a single adult and my own first responsibility. I guess that will all change when I find that one and settle down and have a family, but until there's a "we", then there's just me. Is it fair to ask the question how you can "Roll one deep and Only trust yourself" then wonder why you feel alone? I don't know, maybe that's different.
I must say you are definitely paying attention. Well, my story comes from deep trenches my friend. I guest that roll deep line is a contradictory statement that I made, but at the same time at any moment those yesterday thoughts could remain in yesterday. My thoughts are random, and they pour like water through a spout. I can't control how they come out. It's just that natural. If the queen exists, hopefully my persona, charm, and my spirtual energy will bring her to me. Until than my third eye is watching and my heart is coverd with sharp wires. I believe my statement about rolling one deep, it's rough, but all things aren't always smooth.
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