Beautiful

Beautiful skin;
Beautiful brown eyes;
Beautiful long hair;
Beautiful smiles;
Beautiful curves;
Only you I will serve;

Beautiful complexion;
Beautiful reflection;
Beautiful words;
Only your love is superb;

Beautiful thoughts;
Beautiful long walks;
Beautiful gear;
Beautiful things I want to wisper in your ear;
I want to love you forever;

Beautiful present;
Beautiful future;
Beautiful past;
I want this feeling to last;

Thank God for you;
Thank God for you staying true;
Thank God and pray that we both stay true;
Thank God and pray that I stay with you;
Thank God and pray that you stay with me;

If not thank God and hope he sets you free;

I want out of here!

I want out of here. Out of these thoughts, away from these people, and away from my life.

I'm exasperated with the same old same. The cycle of my current crisis. It happens again and again and again and again. This situation I'm in puts me in a position to reflect on my bad decisions. My decisions to push forward with something that doesn't want to push forward with me.

I thought it was possible to win this battle, but myself kept getting in the way. Life is starting to become predictable. I know the ending before I'm even in the middle of it.

What do you do when life becomes predictable? What do you do when no one is on your side?

I'm in a lonely place with no friendly familiar faces. The ones I thought I had in my corner vanished like the sun before the moon shined. How can I bring the sun back? Why is the moons light so dim in comparison to the sun? Why aren't the stars the sign of peace in my life anymore?

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I don't why

I tried to understand. I tried.
I tried to figure it out.
I tried to be patient. I tried.
I tried to change.

I thought about the consequences.
But I rush to the judgments made.

Why?

I really wanted to grow.
I wanted to find the end of alone, and create
a new definition of together.

Some how some way it became another way.
I chased. When that didn't work I ran.

Why?

I'm stronger than I appear.
More confident that my heart seems to lead.
I am the end result of this mess we made.
But, I am so much more.

Take a step back and see....... I am.

Blah!

It seems that I write the most when I'm angered or hurt. I write most when I'm thinking of love. I seem to be a really insensitive person. That I'm totally selfish. How did I get that way? It sucks when you think about it. You try to be the best you can be, but you often slip into this repetitive stage. The stage that makes you start to hate yourself, but then leads you to take it out on others.
We want so much from other people,but we limit what we give to other people. Even when we give a lot we still lack something. It's sad.

I seem so focused on how someone treats me, but I never focus on how someone perceives me. That's foul. I do a lot, but it seems that I have a problem with doing what people ask of me. I like to do what I want to do. That's a bad trait to have I guess. It really seems that I'm in a vicious cycle with myself. I keep saying that I choose the wrong mate. Nah, I have to admit. I'm a bad person. I will trash my self, because I know that trashing myself is the only way I will wake up and smell the roses. Once this is posted for the world to see I will be free.

I think we need to continually work on ourselves daily. We take breaks often thinking we're perfect. No one outwardly admits that they are perfect, but sometimes I think people think they are inside. We always complain of others, always painting the kettle black.

These random words are just that. No method to my thoughts this morning. I promise to start writing more. Writing puts me into perspective. I need to stay there. I need to be where I'm going, because I'm losing myself. Losing myself in love!

The greatest dancer alive...

To watch her dance was mesmorizing. It could be the waltz, the tango, or the electric slide. She dance around the room like a running back on the gridiron. Dodging from left to right, spinning around at her own delight. If you tried to trap her she would have many ways out, continuing to dance her own way out. Anything of significance to you was like a dance to her, she lead the way out to only pleasure her.

I wonder why it was this way. Who taught her how to dance? We all sometimes right?. I mean dancing was the easiest form of self defense. If you felt trapped you could just buy yourself time buy dancing your way out of the situation. Excuses, excuses, and more excuses. I wonder what she would say. Would she twist it around on you or would she just do the waltz away?

After while it was just tiring to engage in the slightest thing to only get turned away. Afterwhile you wonder why the teflon coating. Why the dance? Why do we have to drag out this long song?

Be real. Repeatedly! Don't run away, engage. You bring more stress on yourself and others when you dance around the principal. The avoidance of me hurts the inside of you. Over the long haul who will concede? Bitterness will take over the good times. Post pone the pain? Duh, I rather dance with the devil.

Dance with yourself. I will dance with another.

You are the greatest dancer alive and for that you should win a star.

The things we see through

I finally see through myself. For so long I was opaque. I woke up today and through the mirror I saw the wall behind me. I didn't see my brown skin. I didn't see my face. I was completely out of focus. I guess it's because I'm at a turning point. I've finally came to the fork in my mind. Do I go the traveled path, or the untraveled path. So many travel the path that has foot steps. Few have created there own.

The path I'm set for is clear and open. No uncertainty. I can write a book through it in a volt and read it in twenty years. I probably wouldn't be shocked. For that reason I'am scared. There are so many unhappy people with the frequent traveled path. There are so many people that would rewrite there adult life.

All these commitments. All these boring twists and turns. What's wrong with just being? Just being you when you want to be you. Not being you when you don't want to be you. Fly to a far off place because you want to fly to a far off place. How come this can't be? I wanna be. I wanna be there! I wanna be there so bad that I will let go everything I have just to be there.

Randomly speaking

When I look forward I forget about now. Silly me.
When I look backward I forget about now. Silly me.

It's a wonder I'm still living considering how I'm always living a head and behind. I'm shocked that I've made it this far.

I'm hurting now. Know one listens to me but God. It's not a bad thing, but the feeling sucks at times. Sometimes it's good to be heard.

I was talking the other day and the person I was speaking with totally ignored everything I said. It was rather annoying actually.

You may say that maybe I did something or said something to make that person ignore what I had to say, but nope. Actually, it happens often. I wonder if that person purposefully blocks me out. You know so irriated by your voice that they don't want to hear you........ That would suck majorly!

We'll be in conversation and they enjoy saying there bit, but when it's my turn it seems to get ignored or something else comes up......

It's a problem, but how do you address it. You can't. The defensive will come up and you know the rest.....

It's a shame out here...... I just want to be heard. I want my pain to be felt.

Wouldn't it be nice to express and someone actually be interested in what you we're saying.. That would be nice. Even if what you were saying wasn't all that interesting. Hmmm. Is that even possible? I know what is possible. Completely being absorbed of self.

Today's random thoughts are geared towards destroying and rebuilding. Is it possible to actually do that and reinvent your self? I really don't want to destroy and rebuild. I really want to build blocks as ladders and continue to climb.

If the curtain closes down on me, will I hear life asking for an encore? If life comes together for me the second before I die, will I be just as happy or will I still be miserable because I found out too late? Hmmm???? Especially if I didn't have the chance to use what I just learned.

Today marks a day of honor, fullfilment and revitalization. A time of making things my way.