Venting

When you bring someone close to you, you make yourself vulnerable. When you put trust in others, you make yourself vulnerable. When you love someone else, your very vulnerable. How do we avoid the pain that follows?

When you put faith, trust and space in those that you want your giving someone something way more precious than gold. People often take it for granted. You open your heart to others, and they assume they deserve it. What the hell is wrong with those people? You can't possibly assume that I'm supposed to trust, care, and want you just because you are you. Every time you put faith in someone they tend to dissapoint you. I'd rather put faith in family, and friends, and even sometimes they dissapoint you.

When I woke up this morning, I felt really good. As a matter of fact, if I felt any better it would've been a sin. There were things that puzzled me, but they were out of my control. More often than not, many things are out of my control. I try to worry about things that I can control, and everything else I let it play out as it will anyway.

Recently, I put my faith in places were I shouldn't have. I placed my eyes on something that was untouchable. I figured I could touch it, but it was impossible to touch. It was a illusion in the desert. I deserve it though. I always chase things that are illusions. After I realized that I couldn't touch it, I let it go. I would like to think life and the things you want is like a basketball. You bounce it, and it comes back, but I'm beginning to think that trouble is a basketball, and it always comes back to me.

I had distorted vision, and I paid for it in the end. I once had laser beam focus, and now all I have is memories of being focused. It's time to get back in line and not allow the things to hurt you hurt you anymore.

Take it from me, most people ain't about shit, and the ones that are you keep them close to you. The ones that really care for you will be there even when you are at your worst. The ones that really love will love you like a dog. They won't stray. The ones that care about you will care know matter what, and they won't leave you when your heart is calling.

Take it from me a person that has been on both sides of that fence.

Hurting souls

I never mean to hurt anyone, but I did.

When you write your reflecting self. When you walk out the door your reflecting yourself. When your with your friends they're reflecting you. I hate it when people throw stones, when people take shots at you. Sometimes you can't change you for other people. You can't comprimise self for others. It works at first, but in the long haul your run out of breath. You can't keep carrying the wants of others on your shoulders.

I wanna be a stellar man, a man above the rest. It's hard pleasing everyone. It's difficult making people like you for you. I write and I shed light in my readers direction. I tell them about me, and they still want more. I tell them who I am through my words, how I view things through my words. They take shots, they take everything personal, and they bash me like a pinata. It's amazing how I've come so far, but I've slid back down this mountain of triumph. How is it easy to make it, but harder to maintain it? How can you have the guts to check me, when you can't even check yourself. Check your views and anguish through the door. Maintain some type of self control. It's hard to write your thoughts.

It's a rough time out their, and you make it harder. You make it harder by being critical, by taking everything personal, or even by just being plain old selfish. I can't please the masses through my writing, but I can speak freely. These words are from my heart.

Embracing Time

I embraced you. Opportunity came, and I wasted you. I wanted you, prayed for you, and when I got you I didn't know what to do you with you. It's amazing how I always call for you, thinking of you. You make things possible, and impossible, only you. If I had more of you would it be at the right time? If I had less of you would that time be sufficient enough?

There were times when all I had was you, or at least that is what my elders would say. While reflecting back that wasn't the truth. I can remember yesterday being 16, being 21, being 25. I remember when things were simple yet complex. I remember when time was of the essence. Wait, it still is. My world is turning faster. My brain is thinking faster. My aspirations are growing larger, and I need more time. I need more time for me, more time from you. Give me the time, but allow less time for greatness to happen. Give me what I want now, and give me more of the time I need the most of. Serenity takes time, wisdom takes time, love takes time. Those things are hot commodities. Time is a hot commodity.

Which comes first, the time to achieve great things, or is it that great things allow you to have more time to achieve even greater things?

Findings

Suprisingly so I often do things surprisingly. I may shock myself while shocking others. I may find myself while finding others. When finding myself I always feel revitalized. I feel refreshed and ready for anything. I really don't understand why I have to keep finding myself so often. It's kinda of like being a born again christian. Your happy, your ready for the world, and you feel stronger than ever.

What are we doing while we are finding ourselves. Are we in a box alone, are we amongst our peers or are we around our family. I do know that there is no strict science to it other than it takes lots of self power. It's not about being on an island, it's not about going to church, it's about you reaching deep inside of you.

Amazingly so I often do amazing things. I often mend broken hearts while on the other side I break hearts. I often help others and it feels great. It's a miracle that I found myself, too bad while I found myself, I was by myself. To bad it was greatest found alone.

On the quest to further this feeling, along the way I will find someone who is finding themselves. Hopefully I can help, and I hopefully they can help me keep myself without having to re-find myself.