Once jaded

Unconditionally you choose me. We became synonymous like joy and happiness, or even it's antonym revulsion. I wouldn't set out to do anything with out you because with out you nothing would be real. I was considered a pro when it came to you because I really felt your position. I mean, how could something exist in any other way. We frequently try to escape your hold, and we frequently try to embrace your hold all at the same time. It's like a living paradox with you. I embrace you when it came to material things, and money was around. I embraced you when my career spawned, and my first real job was the best thing that ever happened to me, but some were along the line things went wrong. As soon as adversity came I blamed you, and I immediately thought that if it could be another way, I would make it so. It's crazy because at times in the same minute I fell in and out of you. You hurt more than a punch in the gut, and at the same time you could make me feel like I was going down a roller coaster slop. Some would say they never found you, others would say they found you to often. At a point, it was safe for me to say that you were there but I wasn't calling for you. If you came to me, I would sense it and turn the opposite direction. Why would I do that? Why would I run from the purest best feeling available? Now, I realize that I treated you wrong and it was never your fault. It was the user not the substance. It was the selfishness not the subject. Now that I've learned, and the focus is not on you, but with you. I see that my life has changed for the better, and when I make the right decisions you are sure to follow with me, and I don't have to look to see if your coming. You won't hurt me if I don't let you, and you won't come unless I openly call. Thank you for being stubborn, and not leaving because I gave up. I appreciate your presence and I thank God for you everyday. To love, my one true love.