You

Smiling
Frowning
Smelling
Shaping
Craving
You

Feeling
Touching
Caring
Sharing
Wanting
You

Knowing
Listening
Missing
Thinking
Forgetting
You

Wishing
Hoping
Praying
Staying
Masquerading
You

All of you. Most of you. What's missing about you? Me!

Forgive

It seems as if nothing works out when you want it to. You push and you pull, you give and you take. Nothing matters at the end of the day. People are never forgiving as they say they are. At first everyone is like if you made a mistake I would forgive, and move past it. Then the unthinkable happens. They don't stay by your side, and then they move away from you. I'm probably the most forgiving person that I know. I don't know if that's a good thing or if I am crazy as hell. My heart is cold, but when it comes to forgiveness I have a heart of gold.

Recently things have been so hard for me, and I've been making lots of decisions fast. I've tried to slow down. When you go so fast nothing is clear. I've made mistakes recently and one person in my life have been very unforgiving. I thought that person would be there no matter what. It's amazing how quickly things change. I really feel that I am on an island by myself when it comes to ideas and thoughts. I try to over come, but people want to bring you down. I can't blame you for what you want, but I can blame you for putting me so close to you.
Especially after dropping me in the middle of the desert with no way back. I've tried to plead, I've prayed, and at the end I'm all alone with my thoughts. I'm here wishing for you to forgive me.

I've made many bad descisions, but one major decision that turned good was keeping you along side of me. I would have sacrificed anything for your smile. Now I am writing about what could have been and what is always not going to be. Us! My heart is pouring out through my fingers, and I am typing so you can read me. Read me now. Listen to me now. Life is to short not to forgive. Forgive someone today.

Imploding

I have so much inside. So much to rid myself of. I have secrets that hurt and those secrets will probably make you run away. I wonder why you run away? I'm lying, I'm scared, I'm fake, and I'm apprehensive. I'm imploding.

I want to let it out, but than your a slave to your words. People hold you to what leaves your mouth, and even though there just words, they mean a lot. I want to tell you what's close to my heart. I want to tell you what hurts, but I can't. It's glued to my soul, glued behind my closet door. I'm imploding.

I'm trying to air it out and breath it out, but it's so hard. You'll view me differently, while losing feelings for me. I'm the one that has the problem, why run from me? Everyone says they want to help, but when you involve them, they take everything so personal.

I'm imploding because my secrets are laughed at and people run away as if I have the black plague. They don't give me the power that I need. People are so judmental. We're all perfect until an incident happens. So, I implode and crush my reputation. Instead of being a people person. I grow close to people, but don't allow others to grow close to me. It's over rated. It's real. I'm imploding.

Sunshine

How does the Sun shine for you? How is it that every time that I see you the sun shines for you? You make the Sun shine for you. You bring rays of light down to earth just for you, because of the things that you do. You make the dark disappear, and the light appear for you.

I bring the dark and escape the light for you. I don't want to take the light from you. Because of all that you do. Your so special. If I'm in your light the light dims for you, because of all that I do. I'm not special.

If the light shines, or when the light shines for you. I'll make sure I stay so far from you, so that you will do all that you do because your so special.

I'm sorry to not be the shining light in your space. The ray of light when you wake. If light was what you needed hopefully you have enough for the both of us. There were times when your light shined through me. You saw through me and I couldn't stop the light. You knew I wasn't ready for your shining soul. You spoke, your eyes read it.

How does the Sun shine for you? How is that every time that I see you the Sun shines for you, and all that you do? Your presence shines and your always able to see through.

Reality

While questioning my thoughts I often wonder if my thoughts are valid. More often than not I am questioned on my view point. I guess it's because I put it out there, but even still, it's amazing to me. I think differently than any one I know. I call myself an abstract thinker. A person that looks at things from my own view not from the average view. I've learned just because the masses agrees with something, that doesn't mean that it's right. I've also learned that the masses will agree with things just because the masses are not able to think without an existing opinion. We seem to be preprogrammed. We are not able to make decisions without options, or even able to follow through with the options we have. We have it so easy. I guess our options are our weakness.

I've been stuck in reality. I think it's time to get out. Reality slows you down. Reality makes you feel as if you can't do the possible. It makes you feel that you will be laughed at for your aspirations. Everything is possible. Everything has been done, so what makes you think you can't do what you want to do. Reality catches you and drops you all in the same moment. It's like I can do it, oh, wait... I can't. That's not good. Reality let's you know that your human, and you don't want to fail. Sometimes you have to fail. Failure is what builds us up to another level. So, the questions is why worry about reality? I mean the reality is that you only live til you die, and your dreams are what carry you through. Surpassing the most obvious and going with the uncertain sometimes drives me. So what if you fail, so what if you don't make it. The reality is that you will have another chance at something else. Weather it be through heartache, or pleasure, you still will get another chance. The chance of a life time. The chance to have memories, and the chance to say you did what you wanted. That's a reality that I'm willing to take. Besides we are our own worst enemy.

Summers for me

-Summer breezes
-Sundaes caramel/chocolate
-Slurpees
-Running
-Basketball
-Tennis
-Biking
-Ocean water
-Sunroof back
-Clean cars
-Sunglasses
-Sun shining
-Weekends
-Fire works
-Blizzards (DQ)
-Driving with the windows down
-Outdoor parties
-Swimming
-Eating crabs
-Not going to work in the middle of the week, on a beautiful day.
-Amusement parks
-Cold drinks
-Family gatherings
-Making money on a beautiful day

Summers are high strung, chaotic, and rambunctious. Summer nights scream for peace, but represent freedom. Summer is what we're looking forward too. Why does the summer bring out the best and worst in a person? Why do we expose our weaknesses in the summer time?

While Sitting outside it seems like the sun is sitting on my shoulder. I need this heat. It reminds me of the winter time when I begged for the summer to get here. The weather is a representation of me wishing time away. Once I realize this, I start to complain about the 100 degree weather, and now I began to wish I was out of the heat.

The heat... It represents so much. It brings back summer excursions in my teenage years. It brings back sweet memories when my worries meant less, and my wants meant more. Toasting with 40's while looking at the car with the best rims with the badest chick. Summers when my friends were all that I had, and all we did was look forward to another day just bullshitting. Summer time when we went to Greek Fest, and beaches just to look at pretty things. Now summers are about making money. Working hard and playing hard. Getting time to your self, and making the impossible possible. Being able to only enjoy the sun when it's on it's way down. Being able to feel the weather nice for a just a few hours. Summer times for me, summer times when my mind choose to flea.

Temptation

The pressures that you put on me are hard for me to handle. You push me in corners, you put my back against the wall. It's not fair. Stop being selfish. Stop telling me that's it's all about you. I've tried to be there for you, I've tried to fight for you, but you make it so hard. Your desires surpass my abilities, your strength is stronger than my will. I can't go on like this any more. I have finally won this struggle, you can't beat me any more. I know your thinking I'll fall back, but I won't. I'm done with you. I'm getting stronger as these words come out. When times were rough you were all about you, now I'm all about me. Be greatful, you made it this way. I had this epiphany while in a calm storm. It was rough to see through, but I made it.