A master mind

To stay focused you have to do planning. You can't get caught up in things that waste your time. The bad things that sometimes you don't notice until your knee deep in the situation. You gotta plan things out perfect. You get big, and not wait or worry about people that are not on your train. Your shit is leaving the terminal and if your not on board, fuck'em.
A mastermind doesn't lose sleep over nonsense. A mastermind takes what is given, and makes things over his way. A mastermind doesn't play games with the weak, and doesn't fight battles that he can't win.

A mastermind sees it before it comes. A mastermind gives few chances to others because there is no time in life for those that don't have your best interest in mind. People will hold you to your word, and then challenge you out of spite. The worst enemy is the enemy within, and that is the one you never see coming. We always blame others for our failures. A mastermind never blames anyone but himself. No matter what the circumstance is.

A mastermind is chiseled. A chiseled mind is to strong to cry over spilled milk. If your going and they don't want to go, leave them behind. The trouble and stress that it takes to deal with people that don't have your best interest in mind is costly. Rumor has it that if you were focused on the better things in life. You know. Great people, Great family, Great love, and Great harmony. Your life would be that of a King.

A mastermind does everything by the book. That keeps less evils from blind siding you. If you work, work your ass off. If you love, love like you've never loved before. If you give, give with an open heart, and an open mind. Life will definitely repay you.
A mastermind is spiritually focused and he doesn't worry about the devil, because the big man up stairs has his back.

Get up, Man up, Stay up, and make things happen. A true mastermind takes what he wants!
-One-

Apology

I apologize for-

Butterflies
Loss of appetite
Loss of focus
Attention to you
Loss of sleep
Thinking things that are deep
Unwanted pressure
Focus on the wrong things
Not listening
Hearing what you want
Missing the big picture
Seeing things only your way and not our way
Words falling on death ears
Finger pointing
Missing you
Saying I love you
Having great sex
Kissing you softly
Seeing the future with you in it. Without your permission
Seeing the big picture, but you weren't willing to help draw it
Not focusing on your goals
Making things over my way, and not our way
Total mind slipping
Arguments about nothing
Conversations about nothing
Selfishly wanting you stay, when you had to go
Selfishly wanting you to go, when you wanted to stay
For stepping in at the wrong time
For trying to make right, what will probably always seem wrong until you want it to be right
For not letting go
For not letting what was inside show
For you not being able to focus on you because you were to focused on me
Taking your fence down, without knowing why the fence was put up

I'm sorry....................

Boxed in

I feel boxed in, tied up with no way out. I speak for those just like those with visions, but can't accomplish there goals. Those that are locked up in their own reality and those who are locked up in their own fears.

I often think of alternatives. I think of master plans and with those master plans comes decisions that are insanley hard to make. I would have to be out of my right mind to make some of the decisions that are presented before me. I feel that lately I've been out of my right mind. I feel that I had it all and I gave it up. I made it all and I destroyed all for something that wasn't tangible. I made decisions based on what if's and not facts. I chased something that wasn't achievable by 9 out of 10 that try it. I went after someone that never took it to the next level in life. I went after money that wasn't even present. What was wrong?

I felt constrained. I felt boxed in. My decisions were based on figures and others successes. My decisions to pursue were based off my optimisim. I felt that other people could live through me. That if they saw me make it would be possible for them to make it. Most laughed. Most shot me down, and most turn their heads when I made my moves. The ones I wanted left the scene of the crime when I failed, and the one that wanted had other plans for there own life. I felt boxed in and I didn't know what to do. I presented myself with more options and decided to get out of the box. To take a new journey down an unbeaten path. Another chapter I supppose in life that was all mine. I decided to make things over my way and deal with it as I should not as others thought or think I should.

When I chase, I expect to capture the moment. When I speak, expect to be heard. And when I reach out, I expect to feel. It seems as if lately I've been shooting blanks, and nothing that I set out to do is being achieved. It's my fault no one elses, but I'm tired of blaming myself. I'm tired of being the one that has to take all the blame. I need to get out of this box. How do I get out of this box? Is it simple? Is the answer before me? Yes, yes it is. The answer is before me, and the answer is time. Time will get me out of the box, because while your living and able all you have is time. It's never too late to change, or fix your situation. You can't depend on others to help you. You can't depend on love to bring you through, unless it's love for self.

I'm boxed in and the I'm begining to see a way out. I want the things in life that are free. I want the people in my life to be genuine. I want the spirits in my life to capture my heart and help me to realize what I don't. I want to believe in what I need to and not take anyone for granted. Life is an ever changing, and you can't sit around for things to go your way. They often don't.

I'm feeling boxed in and I'm asking someone to help me get out of my box. Bring that smile back to my face, and give me the power I need to make it through. You know who you are. We feel the connection because we are connected. I believe in you...... I believe in me...... I just believe that I'm boxed and I'm trying to figure how to get out. The box is not steel, it's an invisible box that protects the heart. It's there only because of yesterday's experiences. We have to be strong and realize that yesterday will only bring us down, because yesterday doesn't matter any more. Only today does..............

The little things

I was always told to pay attention to the little things. Weather I was doing the little things, or if someone else was doing the little things for me or to me. I think that when your caught in the moment it's hard to notice them.

When someone doesn't call you.
When they say they're to busy for you.
When they don't have time for you.
When they always have an excuse.
When a little disagreement turns into a big argument.
When your together, and they're already making reasons to leave.
When they hide you from others.
When your in public and you appear as friends.
When it's only convienent for them and not for you.
When nothing matters to the other person, and everything matters to you.

It sucks to be in this position and it really doesn't even matter how you feel about it at the end of day.

As a man my mother always told to concentrate on the little things in life, because those are the things that are most over looked. I always remeber that, and hopefully it will pay off for me.

If your in my life I will pay attention when the hints are given in a positive away, and a negative way. To get close to someone you have to pay attention to the little things. When they give hints, and how you take those hints.

To get through things the easiest way is always through. To get over things the easiest way is to let time take it's course. To get with someone the best way is to listen to their wishes and try to honor them. Be there when they need you, and disappear when they want you to. Pay attention to them as you would them to pay attention to you. By honoring those little things, success will be the outcome.

To the little things......... The things that matter the most.

Random Thoughts

It is useless to tell one not to reason but to believe -you might as well tell a man not to wake but sleep. -Lord Byron

Past life brings tragedy to the forefront of your decisions. We all make decisions based off of our past subconsciously. We would like to believe that we live in the now, but rarely do we ever.

The ability to forgive is very hard, the ability to forget virtually impossible. They say your supposed to love like you've never loved before, and dream like you've never dreamed before.
Take advantage of your time here, and not let your past hold you back. Your past will haunt you until your death.

I've tried and tried to convince other wise. I've been guilty of not forgetting. But I've also been guilty of forgetting at the wrong times.

Reasoning is a great human ability, but believing in something with great conviction is even more powerful. I wish I could get someone to believe in me. Follow me through the tough times as well as the great times.

Come with me down the darkest path as well as through the green pastures. Two minds together are greater than one mind alone.

Yes, love indeed is light from heaven; A spark of that immortal fire with angels shared,

X

With dangerous curves she melted my soul.
With stunning smiles she yielded my anger.
With intense looks she brought the sensual side out of me.

I was affectionate.
I was caring.
I was loveable.
I was huggable.
I was reaching new boundaries.

All of the things that I'm usually not. She was amazing, only sent from God. There were others,
but not like this one. She was all I needed, and all I could handle. She was my Earth, and I wanted to fertilize her soul. Romantic? No deeper than romantic. She performed on levels that I didn't know existed, and with only of 1/2 of her she did this.

Was it because I never had her? Or was it because the challenge of getting her had my mind confused? I believe it was just her. We were matched like hand to glove. Our bodies would connect like jigsaw. Our minds would reach intellect that no woman could dare challenge. We reached something that I had no idea existed.

I need that shit again. I wanna feel that. I would move mountains if I could. I would...... I would do whatever it took, weather it be through patience, or persistance. I want to be there.

Love X

I feel in love with you without knowing it. My heart had never felt so empty, yet so full of passion combined with uncertainty. I believe in what you had to offer, whenever you were going to start offering it. You gave me a little bit, and then you would take it away. The love you gave made me feel strong, and I welcomed every oppurtunity to feel it. You were the one that I wanted above all the rest. Your pretty eyes, your pretty complexion, and that sexy as look you gave me when no one was looking.

I used to dream about girls like you, I used to wish for girls like you. It had to be fate that placed us so close together in such a wierd place. I would never cross the boundraries I crossed to get at you. I would never let anyone know that I knew you in that way. It was our secret. Our minds had an agreement as friends. Our hearts had other plans. We thought we could keep it cool, but I broke the agreement. I would often look at us in the mirror and mention what a great match we were, but that was obviously a mirage. I fell for you late in the game, and I had no idea you would run away. I never wanted to reveal my feelings, I never wanted to let you know, but time was running out, and in life you only get one chance to let people know.

I thought you would see things my way, I thought you would see the love in my eyes, and in my heart, and never want to separate from me. I was surprised when you yelled and cursed me. I was surprise that love brought pain out of you instead of well, love.

Describing you would always be so much joy. Soft and warm, smart and witty. Was it possible that love finally found a form for me? When I saw you I would get butterflies, and when I was beside you my heart pounded like a jack hammer to concrete. It was amazing the fire you brought out of me. It was constant energy that I would challenge any man to compete with.

If you ever offered love back to me I'm sure it would be top shelf. Amazingly beautiful, and possibly the last and only love that I would need. I would except all of your flaws, and help you work on you. I fell in love with you without even knowing it, and possibly it was the worst mistake that I had made. The strong man in the sky put us together for some reason, and I was going to find that reason out. I exhausted all possiblities with us as I once promised. I said I would do whatever. My love took me to the edge, and my selfishness pushed me over that edge.

I want you happy even if it's not with me. I wanna be happy even if it's not with you. I would rather be happy loving you. Seeing you grow old. I know your not ready..... I know you don't want me. My love is a mistake I guess, and who would have thought it would and could over power me.

You were so sensual. You tried to be so hard. I loved your tenacity. I loved your conviction.
If I could explain love in word, I would explain love as YOU! I fell for you, and know one knew it. I loved you, and I finally I blew it, and the funny thing is I didn't even know it.


This love is to you, because I know this love is true. Sorry to pressure you, and I'm sorry to anger you. Your amazing baby, I'm just thankful I met you.

I don't know

I don't know were I went wrong. Why was it my heart that gave me away. I didn't want to complicate things, nor did I want to jeopardize what we had. It was simple. DON'T GET ATTACHED. It went wrong so wrong. I heard that it's not me it's you. I'm not ready, timing is all wrong. I soaked all of those words in, and then I choose to except them. I mean, that's all I could do. I wanted to be that one. I wanna be that one!

It's a complicated thing when people can't mesh properly. How do two people that are on two different agendas end up together and stay together a day longer then they should? I thought that I was a great match. I thought that I could be the ONE! The only one that got through that door. You know you only have one chance to get through. The window of oppurtunity is temporary.

I thought I was ready. I thought I could be less selfish, and more understanding. My heart got in the way, and then the selfishness kicked in full gear. I was willing to do what it took and them some.

The one thing that I've learned is you shouldn't have heard feelings toward someone that doesn't see your vision.

I will miss what was, and only dream about what could be. In my heart I feel that we were good, and even after the disconnection, I still believe that it can be. Will I pursue? No. Will I dream? Yes. Will I try again? Only if my heart allows.

The pressure of two hearts not aligned only leads to a burst of disaster.

Can it ever be again? Only God knows!

Slippin

I'm here thinking about what comes after the failure of recent events. What do I do following the fall. I had great expectations, but they were foiled by your plans. I wonder will this will put us? I wonder where this will put me? I assume that in the midst of all this chaos I will conjure up a plan that brings me out of this hail storm. I want a new nigga for this black cloud to follow.
The sun ain't shining for me any more, and the doors seem like they are closing one after the other. I was up, and with a blink of an eye I was down. So down, so low. I don't think any one even notices my recent change events. Most are so consumed with there own lives they care not to tap into my life.

I'm scorned from choices that I dreaded choosing. Caught up in the midst of my own actions, and it isn't cool. I'm so open to anything right now that everything is tempting. I mean I'm willing right now. Really willing. How can it come to this? I wonder what to do. I wonder where to go.

To be continued...........